Back Story of a Minor Character

I had no idea where to start with this session's brief at first, we had to create a back story for a minor character in a film/play/story whom the rest of class would know/recognise. I thought about creating a piece based on a Storm Trooper -from Star Wars - who had a change of heart and decided to become a careers adviser, advising students not to go and work for the dark side, but I soon realised I didn't know enough about Star Wars for this to be believable! I then decided I would play 'Lucky' from Samuel Beckett's 'Waiting for Godot', as we had seen and studied this play in class and everyone would know the character. I decided to carry on Lucky's story after the play, I wondered what would happen to Lucky if Pozzo had died/left him leaving him with the ability to do what he wanted and think for himself. I then wondered if he would even be able to think for himself anymore (assuming he had spent a very long time with Pozzo). I thought I would explore the irony of him finally being free but not being able to appreciate it, I thought he would maybe get stuck in the same routines and become confused by the presence of others - not seeing them as equal, but above him.


Lucky

LUCKY stands CS, he is asleep. He is carrying an assortment of bags, an umbrella, a newspaper and a coat.

He slowly wakes up and stares at the audience.

He drops his belongings and signals to the audience to stand up.

He takes a chair from an audience member and places it USR. He returns to stand CS.

He repeats this process until all audience members chairs are US.

He signals to the audience to sit back in their chairs.

He picks up his belongings and stands CS.

LUCKY: (Gesturing to his belongings) these aren’t mine.

He turns to face the audience, US.

LUCKY: They used to be his.

He drops his belongings and looks at an audience member. He selects a bag and hands it to the audience member. He continues selecting audience members and hands them his belongings until they have all been given away.

LUCKY: They’re yours now.

He walks to CSL. He turns to face the audience.

LUCKY: He used to have a hat. It made me think. Now, I just do.

He turns to face SL.

LUCKY: Now I have nothing.

He walks to USL. He turns to face the audience.

LUCKY: I am Lucky.

Exit USL.

Hamlet

We had to learn the famous "to be or not to be" speech from Hamlet for this session, which I wasn't really looking forward to in all honesty! I do enjoy Shakespeare though I find the language quite difficult to understand at times and I find it much harder to memorise than modern-day language.
I have a basic understanding of the plot of Hamlet, and I was familiar with the first section of this speech after using it as stimulus for a show I devised with Ruth Brown and Natalie Sugars last year. Reading further into the speech I realised there were a few words I did not know, so I looked them up so that I could gain a better understanding of the overall text.


To be, or not to be--that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--

No more--and by a sleep to say we end

The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--

To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause. There's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely

The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office, and the spurns

That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscovered country, from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprise of great pitch and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry

And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,

The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons

Be all my sins remembered.

Contumely: Rudeness or contempt arising from arrogance; insolence.

Quietus: Release from life; death/A final discharge, as of a duty or debt.

Fardels: A pack; a bundle/A burden.

Orison: A prayer.

- www.thefreedictionary.com


I felt a lot more confident performing this once I had understood the meaning behind it. I tried to perform this as though I was contemplating suicide and getting to grips with the concept of life after death - or rather nothing after death. I performed this sat quietly in the corner of the room with the audience sat closely around in a semi-circle. I felt this gave me the opportunity to connect more with the audience as I was able to speak quietly, at a 'normal' level, and directly to them. I felt that creating a smaller, quieter atmosphere worked better for me - with my understanding of the speech - as I thought using a grand, traditional Shakespearian style would take away the intimacy of sharing such a deep routed thought.
I think my speech went down quite well this session and I felt quite proud of myself for being the only one to learn the speech off by heart.

 

3rd Person Narration

I found this session's brief quite difficult to get my head round at first! We had to create a 5 minute autobiographical piece (using something from our lives the audience would find interesting - not therapy), which has to be performed using mixed narrative (1st/3rd person etc). My original idea was to base my piece on a magic mushroom trip, as I thought the experience would be a great source of inspiration and would allow me to try using different lights and sounds and really have a go at experimenting with different senses and the audience.It dawned on me pretty soon that my idea was very complex, and a bit too ambitious to fit into 1 week (what with all the other work/assignments going on!)  I also became concerned that group members would judge me for my experience and not fully appreciate the context (as mushrooms are deemed as 'drugs' in the eyes of the law and are now illegal). I decided to shelf this idea and create something else. Original Idea:

Audience under sheet, sat in circle

They’d collected them beforehand; a nice walk up the hill had proved to be quite profitable. If you call it profit, some would say the idea of profit implies money, finance. No, this ‘stock’ would not be used for financial gain - that would only cheapen the value of the findings. As always, they give one back to the Earth.

Tap one member of audience of shoulder.

“Thank you”

They return home feeling excited and full of genuine gratitude towards Mother Nature. Nature, they knew, would soon be even more fantastical than their simple, stilted mind-sets could imagine.

It’s mid-afternoon. They sit together apprehending the arrival of their good friend, who arrives promptly and on time – which is unusual and very out of character.  Their friend, a looming, bumbling fellow – a gentle giant of sorts – is also feeling the excitement. They lay out their new found feast upon the table and share the goods like sweets. Each of them hungry for the satisfaction the food would bring.

“I decided we should go for another walk, I like walks.”

They all agreed that no-one would want to be stuck indoors on such a beautiful autumn day. They piled on their layers and headed outside. A deep breathe in. The air feels cold upon their cheeks and they feel a fresh new energy take them with the breeze. Such a beautiful day. The woods across the road are calling over to the three friends, pulling them in with its inviting whispers. The trees looked welcoming.

                 “They’re not different yet. Just green - very green”.

The maze of trees is calm, yet to them starts to look electric. The pores and sparks of every leaf and twig are effervescing with energy and life.

                 “The woods are humming”

The hum of the trees led them through the a leafy doorway into the deer-snicket where they sit a while on a fallen trunk. They do not want to shut their eyes. The once warm, sleepy snicket in which they were led had now become a  vibrant playful party of nature’s music.

                 “I turned my head and the branches watched over me and smiled”.

They all looked down to see the leaves dancing at their feet.

                 “It is a sacred place, it is wonderful. I knew we had to leave it to live”

Taps audience member shoulder

                 “Thank you, Nature”.

The next patch they encounter is a tunnel of orange, a glowing tube of sunlight. The bumbling friend is enjoying this part. “That was good” he says as they reach the clearing, “I’m going to do it again”.

                 “We both laughed, we told him – ‘it doesn’t quite work like that!’”

His friends were laughing, though all in good spirits. The good spirits are everywhere at this time, and they can feel the bond of friendship growing and being good.

I decided to create something more light-hearted and humorous which I thought my classmates would enjoy. I based my new idea on myself as a child, I loved my pet cat Pumpkin and I hated windy weather - my poor Mum had to put up with a lot of tantrums! I found this idea a lot more fun, I could put more energy in to it without worrying about being judged too much:


Ella: Hello. I am Ella. I er, have a cat called pumpycat. He is playing in the garden today cos mummy told him off for stealing her breakfast. I have another cat called Beatha and another cat called Scaredycat and he is hiding somewhere cos he is a scardey cat! I don’t think Scardeycat will play with pumpy outside cos its not very nice today and scaredy doesn’t like it when its not very nice. I don’t like it when its not very nice cos it gets windy. I like to do some painting and yesterday I painted a picture of pumpycat and I used every single colour that school has. All of the paints at school. I’m not going to school today. I don’t have to, not today cos it’s windy outside. Mum said I don’t have to go outside when its windy so that means I don’t have to go school. No, noooo! I’m not going! I don’t want to go school. Mum! You said I don’t have to go outside when its windy! Making me go all the way to school and its outside.

Grumps

Mum: Every day. Every bloody day. I get her up. Fine. Getting dressed?  Fine. Eating breakfast? Fine. The second we have to go outside, I get this.

Walks round

Ella: Muuum! Get off! I’m not going!

Tantrums round in circle, Mum turns round and snaps

Mum: You are going to school young lady and that is final! Seriously, every day. Are yours this bad?

Walks round, kid stops

Ella: Mum, you said yesterday I don’t have to go outside when it’s windy. It’s windy now and I don’t like it and that means I don’t have to go school. Boo doesn’t have to go school and it’s windy and I don’t either and it’s not fair!

Walks round, mum tries to reason

Mum: Belle sweetie, your sisters only two, she’s not old enough for school yet. Now you’ve got to be a good big sister haven’t you and make sure you get to your classroom on time today. It’ll be the third time this week we’re going to be late otherwise won’t it?

Walks round, kid is grumbling

Ella: But Mum I want to stay home with pumpycat!

Walks round and mum stops and talks to audience

Mum: Love we’re going to school. Her and that bloody cat. I didn’t even want to get another cat. Scaredys not so bad, we already had Beatha, but her and Pumpkin are some kind of bonkers double act.  You know I caught her painting the cat the other day? Yea, not painting a picture of the cat, no she’d already done that, she thought she’d paint the actual cat. Then of course he tries to rub all the paint off using the sofa. Not happy about that. But Pumpkin doesn’t care. Stupid lump. He lets her do anything. He’s been painted on, put in drawers, dressed up, covered in mud. She even uses him as a pillow and he doesn’t care. You know, I wish she could take him to school sometimes. She’d get there on time, and I’d have a clean peaceful house. Come on.


I think this piece went down really well, everyone seemed to find it funny and I think they could all relate to my childishness and the sensible nature of their parents from their own experiences. I really enjoyed being childish again, it was fun to be able to take the mick out of my old self and it was nice remembering my old cats!

The Suitcase Exercise

This session started with a big pile of bags and suitcases in the middle of the room. We were told to pick one and take it to our own space. We were told we were about to embark on a personal journey and I felt very conscious of trying not to 'act' too much, as I wanted to keep my journey personal so that I could reflect on it without other persons input. We were asked to blindly chose an item from a box - I picked out a spotty scarf and it reminded me of headscarves women wear in old films (while driving in cars for example). I decided to try wearing the scarf but became conscious of trying to create another character, so I took it off and decided to treat it gently - as though it was very meaningful. In my head I pretended it used to belong to my mother and that I inherited it.
The next part of the journey we had to imagine we were leaving very soon and only had time to pack 5 items. On paper, I made a photo frame (with a picture of me and my husband inside) a purse with money in to get where I was going, a key just in case I could ever return, and a diary so that I could document my journey (I have put these in my scrap book). I left the place I was in because I was no longer welcome there and felt I needed to make a new start. The place I went to was quiet and high in the mountains. When I arrived I wrote a letter back home which simply said "sorry" as I did not want to go into detail in case someone else found the letter. The person it was for would know who it was from.
When sharing the journey with the class I immediately felt the need to be quite matter-of-fact. I found the exercise interesting but I also felt that I wanted to keep my feelings private and did not want to share every detail. I found the exercise quite therapeutic - which may be why I did not want to share. I believe that therapy should be kept separate from theatre and I sometimes feel uncomfortable when other students are sharing very personal details.

Message in a Bottle

This sessions brief to create a 5 minute piece based on a message in a bottle.
I thought I would be brave and try something a bit different for this. I have been learning to play the guitar over the last few months and I decided to try and write a song. I had written songs before but not for guitar - so this was a bit daunting!
I felt like I really needed to challenge myself, as I felt that the previous tasks had made me become more confident with performing, and the only way I will keep improving is by constantly trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone - which I definitely did here!
 

Sea, Love Tricks

She went running down and she

Kept her head down, oh she

Was running on a whim for a dream

It started with his little note

His cry for help his need to dote

He’d left it on a chance upon the water

The journey stared overseas

Pandora’s gift of hope released

A sparkle in a tear in the ocean

In the ocean

Ocean

It went Bobbing, from shore to sea to sand

To find a suitor in another land (x2)

The note it reached a shore afar

Guided by and unknown star

The fate of gods and destiny combined

The glass that lay before her feet

A shiny bottled secret treat

She took it in her hands to bring it home

The top of it was screwed on tight

She tried and tried with all her might

The only way to get inside was to smash it

Was to smash

Smash

She threw the bottle; she smashed it on the ground

In a million Pieces it fell down (x2)

Amongst the shattered pieces green

A letter lay which had a sheen

Of mystery which she could not resist

 She took the crumpled note in hand

And as she read she could understand

The crying call which came from man unknown

The words they read just like her thoughts

Identical emotions brought

The two together though they would never meet

Never meet

Not here

She ripped the letter, she cried in solemn sorrow

She held herself and rocked two and fro (x2)

The words she’d read had been a sigh

His final last mortal goodbye

Before he’s took his soul to the water

He’d asked for one upon the land

Someone who’d be able to hand

Themselves willingly to join him in the sea

She has been in captured by

His gentle and sorrowful cry

Her destiny of mort et l’amour would be

Would be

The sea

She kept her head down, she ran towards the shore

She kept her head down t’wards the shore (x2)

She stood and faced the icy blue

She had decided what to do

She waded ‘til the currents took her feet

She plunged her head ‘neath the surface

Using the force of her purpose

She swam out and down as far as she could go

She stopped and waited oh so still

As her chest and lungs began to fill

With the liquid of the Earth, the shining sea

Then she

Saw he

She reached towards him; she knew that he was close

She reached towards him, he was close (x2)

He was close alright but never there

Illusions never do play fair

He’d let her drown alone, wickedly.




Although I was extremely nervous, I think the song went well. The feedback I got was positive and it has given me the incentive to keep playing and writing.

Stream of Consciousness

The stream of consciousness exercise was really good fun! We all sat round in a circle with pens and paper and repeatedly counted "1,2,3", in waltz rhythm. We are then told to simply 'write', while occasionally words are called out to help us think of different themes.
I find this exercise really helpful as it lets me write without having to consciously think, where usually I find writing quite hard to start off with.
Our combined attempts at this exercise were interesting to say the least (we passed our piece of paper round the circle each time we finished a sentence).

This is an example of the group's combined stream of consciousness (each contribution is on a separate line):
"Breathe out they say come to the surface
But this mask is not working I say
It's not working I won't be able to breathe
Said the fish as it left the sea on a bike
Why has that lobster decided to stand in the middle of the road?
Because the lobster has nowhere to go
It has no purpose in it's life to live...
Oh - smile love
Smile mo'fucker! You mad bitch."

This almost seemed to be an insight into how other people's minds work. I find it interesting to see how some people seem to think quite poetically, while others quite literally. A couple however do appear like they are trying to deliberately write something funny/shocking - I don't think the exercise worked as well for them.

This is my individual stream of consciousness (I did not include much punctuation as I was writing quite quickly):
"Need to get inside to feed the cat I haven't been able to get inside for days now I don't get why I can't go in there are no cats here and I miss them do they miss me? No idea can't wonder why I feel quite tired but embrace the cold feeling of tired and and lonely frustrated at doing speaking about horrible subject cannot understand the need to take someones deep idea and take the piss its disgusting really we're not helping and I definitely can't help upset and annoyed but need the tea which owing now sort out tomorrow everything will be sorted tomorrow as tomorrow is -"

I think I was pretty honest with myself during this exercise! It's not really something I would consider working further on (for a solo piece), though I definitely found it interesting and weirdly quite freeing. I would be interested in what would happen if we were to try this exercise with music in the background.

Franca Rame

16th October '12. Today We looked at and discussed Franca Rame's "I don't move, I don't speak, I have no voice". I was not a big fan of this piece. Parcially because I find the topic of rape upsetting and difficult to talk about (especially within a mixed-group setting with people I don't always speak to socially) and also parcially because I felt the solo piece Rame had written was very personal to her and I felt it was therapy for her. I found the whole lesson quite difficult to be a part of, especially when watching classmates discussing the subject dismissively while also laughing about the topic during the group task.
I was paired with Natalie Sugars and our task was to take a line or two from the piece and create a short performance (one directing the other). I directed Natalie and we took the first line "The radio's on".
I asked Natalie to sit quiet and still while slowly lifting up her head. Then half smile before delivering the line (counting to 10 between each direction to keep the movement slow and controlled).
I wanted to attempt this task properly without avoiding it (although this was instinct!) I found by leaving out graphic detail it left room for audience interpretation and I think it was a successful piece. I think I could challenge myself further by adressing certain subjects which I find, understandably, uncomfortable (E.G rape and violence).

Edward Hopper

I have selected the painting "A Woman in the Sun" from a collection of Edward Hopper paintings for this assignment.
I did not look at the woman in the picture as simply 'naked'. I saw her as a blank canvas. If she was wearing clothes I think her style of dress may have dictated the kind of character. I liked that it was just her alone in the room, and I considered creating a 'morning after the night before' scenario for her (as she is also smoking and has heels on the floor I thought this may have fit). I decided against this idea however, as I felt like I was backing away from working on something more personal.
I created this week's piece based around the idea of being in a post 'trip' state - rather than hungover - as I felt this allowed for more interesting context (and as everyone knows - context is everything! ...And I had also been quite interested in the research into LSD I had done previously.) I felt I explore writing more poetically as apposed to writing feelings of depression and shame.


"This morning i woke up alone, a gap in the great bed to vast for my lone body, I blinked confused, sad and looked
about the room. The once magnificant towering walls about me, which enclosed the bed in wonderous patterns and a
kolidescope of endless colours and shape are stood strong still, but bare. There is nothing there.
Grabbing and clutching at too much covers for my lone soul, I hold myself up and sit quietly tightly processing the
change, maybe just complacent though definitley not contented with the new found situation. Surroundings I have always
thought can alter the subconsious mind and bring forward posible subdued feelings, and in this case the bare walls
told me I was blue.
Blue, yes blue are the walls and now so is my mind. Gazing forward, I notice first that I am still waking and my thoughts
are still adjusting, I notice secondly that there hanging there, is one remaining lone picture. How symbolic. It's trees.
Trees have always held a special sort of meaning, here. Trees I imagine are the mothers of the earth, lone standing mothers,
all strong and some together. Family of trees that gave life to us. Stupid little monkeys. Sad lonely little monkeys.
I'm desperately searching my mind for the answers here, sitting now alone in my bare little cemented box... I sigh.
And I let the anxt go.
The ceiling is bare too.
The window is wide open.
The door is bolted shut.
Thoughts and zaned ideas begin rushing ferosiously through my head. I feel something is warped, what happened here?
My mind offers no recollection. My body is weak. My soul... Hears something.
I heard once there are voices, if you listen closely. Yes the voices are there.
If you start listening to them, they start listening to you.
And if you look, really look. You will see them. They like to hide, but they're everywhere.
You look right at them, and they'll look right back at you.
The walls are bare.
And there's no-one there.
I think I'll smoke today.
I might look out the window."

BBC News Brief

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-18204401

We have looked into the news story (on BBC) concerning the student Megan Stammers. She has run away with her tutor to Paris. I need to chose an alternate veiwpoint on the story and create a 5 minute solo piece based around this. Examples we were given were; her friends, her family or Megan herself.
As we were given examples I instantly thought 'I need to think of something different!'
I first thought of being someone completely unrelated to the story, who is on the internet and comes across the story. I then thought it ma be better to be someone who is closer to home, so I decided to create a piece based on Megan's (hypothetical) pet cat.
As my own pet cats seem to be quite selfish and lazy, I wondered if her cat would care - or even notice- that she had gone. I decided to make the piece more movement based so that the cat's true opinions weren't revealed until the end. I looked into different exersizes in flexibility and yoga positions to help with my body movements and I watched the musical 'Cats' to see how others had made themselves appear feline.
I only used brief text in this piece, as the cat notices the audience are present:

"Oh. You're looking for her, aren't you? Well she's not here. She's been gone for days now... She's not getting this bed back."

I used quite a 'snooty' voice for the cat, very posh and well-spoken. As this is how I imagine a selfish cat would sound!

'Grumpy'

In class we have been looking into fairytales, myths and legends. Some of my favourites include Greek mythology - tales like 'Medea' and 'The Trojan Women'. I love how their realistic style stories contain Gods and demi-gods alike. There was such a strong beleif in the Gods in their time and they had an absolute trust in their being. For me, living in a time of many religions and theories, it's a comforting thought that everyone could be - and was - united by one idea. I also like the tales by the brothers Grimm. I prefer their stories to the likes of Disneys remakes, as they are a lot darker and almost sinister in nature. Don't get me wrong, I do like Disney films from time to time, but I feel that the stories have been glossed over and been made a bit too 'nice'.
Our weekly task had been to create a performance that had to be appox. 5 minutes and include an existing, well-known character from a fairytale/myth. We also had to include a 'twist' in the story.
I decided on performing as Grumpy the dwarf from Snow White, as everyone would know who I was. And my twist was that Grumpy had been sent to Anger management for being too grumpy, and making friends with the evil Queen:



"Hello. I'm Richard, and I am an angry person.
...I'm here because I need help with my current frustration issues.
I don't actually need help I'm completely fine!
sigh. Fine, I'll behave. If it'll get me out of this fucking place. 'Spose you want to hear what I've been up to this week. 
Well, Monday was fine. My mum rang. She told me she wanted to come up next weekend, which is completely inconvenient if you ask me. She knows how busy I am and she knows my current living situation, it's just completely inappropriate  And I told her that. I didn't get angry though. I tried that "speaking slowly and calmly thing" you suggested.. Let me tell you, complete pile of shit. She thought I was taking the piss. I told her SHE was the one taking the piss, stupid cow, then she hung up the phone. So yea, guess that went well.
Tuesday, well, I had work all day. It was shit. As per. You know I guess you do get into the digging. Helps me vent some of the anger. But you know, when you're working with a bunch of lazy idiots who don't know their left from right it's pretty hard work to just stay calm. I mean, Larry sleeps through half his shifts and he actually gets away with it, when I get tired from doing all his work - do I even get a break? Do I fuck. 
Wednesday I was working again. Told my boss what I thought of him. He took it pretty well. Just smiled and went off whistling. Cheery bastard. I don't get it. Managed to sneak off for a bit though. Got me an extra sandwich. Well, Larrys sandwich. I figure if he's gunna sleep all the time he don't exactly need it. Tasted pretty good. Not enough mustard though. 
Thursday had my morning off - stupid girl was flouncing about "tidying up". She says she's just trying to help and do something nice to say thank you. If she wants to do something nice she can piss off and leave us alone! I told her if she wants to tidy up those guys rooms, then go ahead, but leave mine, I like it how it is. She looked at me, giggled, then swanned in with a feather duster. I nearly had an asthma attack, but does she care? Does she fuck the lanky bitch, she just wants to show off cos she can reach the shelves at the top. I didn't get mad though, I just went for a walk.You said that was a good thing to try. I guess I felt a little better for it. Went left at the big tree instead this time hadn't been there before and thought - if I'm trying this crap then sod it! New me fancies an adventure. Saw this creepy looking house, went for a poke around and this giant old lady came in! Let me tell you if you think I get pissy - should have seen her face - hoo hoo haaa was she annoyed with me! Told her I had to get home to my "wife" eugh, and she was asking all questions, what does she look like, seemed quite interested, dunno why, said to go back the next day for a chat with her and she'd make brownies. I said yea of course, dashed off to work. Was a bit late, but thought sod it - I felt quite happy. Then that git came over and told me I needed to do overtime, make up for being late. He's always happy, happy to piss me off! 
Friday. Well, called in sick didn't I? That happy little bastard can do one if he thinks he can tell me what to do. So, had the day off, went to that house again. Let me tell you that old lady knows some good gossip! Said that the lanky bitch living in my house, used to live in her house! Scrounger or what! She never done nothing there apparently, just flirted with all the guards n that and bitched about that poor old lady. Turned everyone against her. And you know what, she steals as well. Yea, I know. The worst bit is, the old lady, well she didn't actually use to look all shit and disgusting, no. She was actually quite fit - showed me pictures. Anyway, worst bit - that bint had found all this magic stuff and stole all the old lady's good looks! Yea, her lips didn't use to be that nice and red, hair didn't use to be all dark and glossy and stupid and perfect. No, nicked the lot. What a bitch. Felt well sorry for this old lady. Told her if it were me, I'd be wanting to get some revenge. Yea, and not just the silly egging your house, piss in your shoe kind of revenge. I'm talking full on pain. Something really fucking good and evil, that'll get you even. She took my advise on board. I felt pretty good, like I'd really helped. Yea. Told that lady my address n said to pop round any time. Yea, nice woman. Brownies were bloody lush. She gave me another 6 to take home for the guys but I ate them all. Felt a bit sick. 
Yea then I came here again. I'll be honest, I don't think this therapy lark is helping a great deal, but you know
I am trying. Come on, next person."